Happy Day!

Years ago my older brother texted me some random texts and the last one referenced some drama. At the time I didn’t want to deal with it so I deleted it. A few months later I got the call he was sick and in the hospital, and when I got there I realized he was dying. I said my goodbyes. I frantically checked my phone, hoping the text message was still in the trash can, but no. It was not. 

I have pictures of him still and while I am pretty much forgetting his voice by now over these last five years I have often thought about that text message and kicking myself for not saving it before deleting it. Then.

I was going through my email looking for an old piece of writing and I see the email header “Text from Jared.” Y’all. My heart was in my ears as I opened this thing. I would post it but the ‘drama’ is not all my business so you’ll just have to trust me that I found it, it was so meaningful, and I weeped as I read it again and again. Especially the beginning: “I love you, and miss you.” Me too Jared, me too. 

It’s even better than my favorite picture of him, but that, that I will post. See below, I love his contented smile in it. My older brother was creative and wickedly smart. I mean that in every sense. I miss him deeply, for he always just ‘got’ me. And I think I ‘got’ him. But sometimes your buddy that you partner up with to go two by two through this wild and crazy existence we call life - well- they don’t make it.  And that, sucks. 

What’s even crazier is the text message was sent around January. He died in May. I sent it to myself in April. Time, time is a funny thing. Maybe I had searched for it and found it when I first found out he was in the hospital and sent it to myself and then promptly forgot all about it. Who knows. 

With that I leave you with two of his favorite sayings: ‘oh snap!’ And ‘Fo Shizzle.’ - Don’t ask me about the second one, but I think it’s something Snoop Dawg says. 

Excuse me while I go back to listening to Guns and Roses, my annual tribute to him, whilst drinking a coke and eating twizzlers. I hope he is ok with me switching to Coke Zero because I’m getting older and I don’t want diabetes. But I didn’t spring for sugar free Twizzlers since they are fat free anyway. But I digress with middle aged problems. 

This year is a doozy. He died on May 12th, just after midnight, on Mother’s Day. Fun fact about Court- I don’t celebrate Mother’s Day, I call it Dead Brother’s Day and I usually use May 12th as his day of celebration. This year I had to pick a day to mourn him and a day to celebrate him. I picked yesterday for one of those, not quite sure which to be honest, and today I’ll do the second half. I miss you Jared, your sense of humor that would sneak up on me and talking with you about music or TV shows. I truly hope you have finally found peace brother.




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