Emptied.

The impetus for this post will not be shared in detail, because I feel awful. And I feel like I have lost my weight in fluid due to sickness and let’s just leave it at that. That feeling though, when you are sick and the sick is finally- well- out of you. That empty feeling. That is what I am in right now, I hope to dear King Jesus at least or coming to the ending of it, as my bathroom and I have been fast friends for the last hour and I would dearly like to break up with it forever. 

Thankfully though nothing else really hurts except my stomach. And not wanting to go to bed and being wrong about it being over and getting sick all over my bed, I sit and think about this empty and calm feeling. I think about how it feels like an emotional thing as well. I guess I mean that through various events there have been things that have just made me feel so full. And not a good kind of full, not satiated. Stuffed. Uncomfortable. Like it’s all just, way, way too much. 

I think that one of the things our precious Lord does is exactly what we need when we need it. Which may look very different, perhaps even the complete opposite, of what we think we need. In other words it likely has been my silent, and sometimes screamed, plea to be filled. Like I’m the baby bird with mouth open waiting for: worm worm worm!!! But. No. No was the answer, not at this time, baby girl. Instead is this. This other thing entirely. 

But here is the thing about being emptied. It is often to be filled with something entirely new.