Bits of the Whole

 It used to be that you had portions of things. A show would end and you would wait a whole week, or even a whole summer, and that was just how it was. Now you can just watch and watch. You even get trolled by the media ‘are you still watching?’ And it’s an honest question. 


It is like that with food. You can just eat and eat. However is one supposed to stop? I think this may be why things like fasting and seeking simplicity are so popular right now. It’s like for all the world, the whole world is being thrust at us all at once. We are trying to cut off a square the size of a communion wafer because that is all we can handle. 


Here’s the the thing: solitude can be wonderful. It was like, a go-to for Jesus. I’m not sure if you can ever truly unplug anymore, but even just some of it is better than none. But it’s like if you don’t fill the empty space left from doing a cutting out, then, something else will fill it for sure. I think there was even a parable about this- but- that may have been about demons. 


What if we make our own demons now? With food? With binging TV shows? With mindless games on our phones? And what if the answer is still the same, to just cut it out? 


But what if the cutting out without also the filling up never truly works, or at least works as well? I guess what I mean is, if I am going to try and be intentional about not zoning out with TV and games as much, that I should also try and be intentional about filling up with reading the Word more, spending quality time with those I love, and doing other healthy things like art or writing. 


This makes me wonder further if those healthy things can also get distorted. If for years now while yes I’ve been writing it’s almost more like whining but with pens and paper. Like it doesn’t really do anything other than just expressing my current, daily, frustrations. 


I’m not saying that every time I write I have to tie it all off with a bow and make it all pretty. Though I do worry that I’ve been circling around the big bad topic of Grief perhaps a might too long, I find that I cannot help but write what is going on and well, the big bad topic of Grief has been circling me like those damned wolves in the Liam Niessen movie. Only I’m not sure I have as much grit as he had and that I may just lay down in the cold snow and let them come for me. 


So I fight back with the only real weapon I have right now, with words. I type out thoughts and some feeble answers, when I’m given them, and even though it’s like ninety percent questions and ten percent answers well I guess something is better than nothing. With my words I fashion a little square, edible Christ to swallow down and hope that it makes the Grief go away. 

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