A fluttering heart

 For the last three months or so every night when I lay down to bed my heart starts racing. I have tried everything, but no amount of resting, stretching, praying or hot tubbing seems to help. Then about a month and a half ago not only was it racing but it was also beating weirdly and wildly like it never had before. I endured a couple of hours of this and then decided to drive myself to the hospital just to make sure. Of course they hooked me up to the heart monitor thing but said that the event had stopped. Which was funny, because my heart was still racing. It was the weekend though, and having both of my kids in the hospital on the weekend taught me to lower expectations on them. 

Of course I googled from the ER and the tiny word ‘stress’ jumped out at me. Hmm, sure, I got stress, but is it any more than usual? Gee , I don’t know. I have only been doing what I do for nearly twenty years now, and at this point I get to set my own schedule and do a lot of the stuff I want to do rather than stuff I am told to do. But sure, stress is always just, there. 


I called immediately to get a follow up with my doctor who very predictably referred me to a cardiologist. And then began a week and a half long battle to actually get into that  doctor. He was new to the practice and my insurance wanted to say he was ‘out of the area.’ I kept bouncing back and forth between the doctor’s office and my insurance and was a bit sad when the appointment to see him came and went. I had scheduled another appointment, but that was not until the end of the month. I am not good at waiting, especially when it is my heart going crazy and the thing I am waiting on is to figure out why it is going crazy. 


Then the office called back saying they could see me later in the week and just like that I was sitting across from the doctor. He happened to catch me on a particularly honest day, as usually when I first meet people I am on good behavior and not morose or dark. I might have said the sentence “I’m dead inside” and it might have been a joke, or not. He laughed, uneasily. 


He sent me with a heart monitor thing that I was to strap to my chest for seven days. So I did, as soon as I got home. Not really thinking that it was the Thursday before Thanksgiving that I put the sucker on, so there I was, at Thanksgiving dinner with some friends, still wearing the blasted thing. By then it was itching like crazy and I was really, really ready to take it off. 


The next little hoop though is scheduled for late January, but, maybe prayer works- as I had asked my small group to pray about the first appointment and low and behold I got to get in sooner than freaking December. And if not, well, all I will say is it would be nice if my heart did not have to hurt as much while I waited. 


I was going to wait and post when everything was all finished, and I could put a bow on it and stuff. But I can’t sleep. It is almost two in the morning. My heart is pounding and the muscles all around it are sore and tired. So if, dear reader, you could just pray. That would be great. Maybe one day I will have a bow to put around this season, and maybe not. Even if, I guess. 

Comments

Emily said…
Praying for answers and healing, friend.
December 23, 2022 at 6:32 PM
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